This is my truth. I am not needy, I never ask for gifts, I have a good job, I buy myself what I need, when I need it. I am not like some females I know, I have never had a man pay a single bill for me, or pay my rent. In all my 47 years, even when married, or cohabitating, I paid everything. So what am I doing wrong?
I lost a lot of weight, exercise, eat right. I was told I was too big by a man, but until I saw a picture of me, I didn't know how big. It took me a year, but it's off. Almost 80 pounds. Maybe more, I haven't weighed myself lately. No turkey flab under my arms. Became a vegetarian (no fish, no chicken! For some reason people don't think fish/chicken are meats. If it has eyes, mouth, I don't eat it.) I ride my hybrid bike and walk 5 miles a day. Play Wii (I won't hesitate to beat family members/friends down!) In the words my very hip daughter, I look hot.
Last year wasn't so good, my mother died the day before her birthday, and my sisters and aunt, and I spent her birthday at the funeral home. The twenty days later that same aunt died. I never felt so alone in my life. My family suffered two additional deaths in between that! Then my son gets all shot up.
This new year I set several new goals for myself: to be a better mother, daughter, cousin, friend, employee, etc; to study the Bible and Holy Quran more; pray more; visit family more; to learn to shake off those that mean no good; go out more, even if it means taking he cab/bus (I don't drive); to write more; to do something with my hair (it's long, natural, need I say more??). This year I will love myself more than I did last year. This year I will concentrate more on improving myself and my home, and less on what is obviously impossible. Heck, I plan to be so busy with my life that maybe I won't even think about being alone.
Yeah, ok.
